I remember the words but don't remember the when

I've gone back in time

To a time of youth and innocence

To feel what's in my body today

The energy

The vibrance

The pressure of excitement in my chest

Today I look forward to tomorrow

When I can look into your eyes

Where I can mirror my desire, longing, urgency

When I can get lost in your lips

Where your mouth has become my home

My moment of solace

My escape

My new life

I could never tell

You wouldn't believe

How could you?

I don't think you know what loneliness looks like

It's never knocked on your door

It's never loved you for years

I know him well

More than anyone ever

He's been a constant friend

A confidant

A teacher

But much much more

He's my greatest love

My most efficient lover

The one that does everything right

Ensuring I never leave him

I don't want another

No one sees me

I don't notice them

There's only him

Grabbing me with his cold hands

Shaking me

Taking me

In soft night whispers

Bringing me to tears

Wiping them with frigid sensuality

And I know only him

I've tried to turn my back on him

To walk away

To run

To hide

But he's always there

5 Steps behind me

Coming back to collect me

Bringing me back

To our same place

The ones we forged memories in

There he works overtime

With more fervor than before

To keep me there

In his embrace

Cold

Dry

Alone

But always accompanied

By loneliness