Sunday Rambling part I

In a Sunday morning, when I’m at work. Nothing to do because of a glitch. I sit here and wonder, ponder, whatever. I think about the things that are and could be. Things that never were and should have been. I ask myself where I went wrong. Even was I the one at fault. I let my insecurities get the best of me and I let my options play with my head. I’ve always said my life is a forking path where each direction means a different ending, an alternate lifestyle. Why does it seem like I always choose the wrong one? Do I? Am I? Oh what the fuck.

Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmm

In the dead of night, there was this eerie silence
I couldn’t even hear myself breathe
I fell hostage to that powerful slumber
The signature arm bent at the elbow over my head
That damsel like pose
Talks of a fragility that I often feel but don’t know if I convey
Not that I want to
I began to drift and from the start I feel the assailing of images
It no longer waits for me to completely fall asleep
It just comes like a barrage, stampeding on my senses
I don’t want to see
But in the night I cannot pretend or ignore
The days when I am out of the house are for others
Putting on the smile and focusing on all else
When I come home is to decompress.
I don’t want to pay attention to these
In dreams though, you can choose what you tackle
When the Id takes over you, you have no command. Nothing
So I stand there, looking at you, him, the other one, all of them
The herd of pink elephants each standing in each corner, a door, a space
I look each in the eye
Hating what I see
Loving the feel of it
As always you all split me
It’s me against myself
One side hating the other
Two formidable opponents in this 31 year battle
Neither ever wins and both tend to lose out
Good against good and sometimes evil against evil
One fundamental to the other
All I do is stand there and look at all my adversaries in the eye
Knowing I am the sole victim to all: You, him, the others, me, and myself